Inspired by discovery of Higgs Boson, physicists renew search for elusive Higgs Zi-on

The Higgs Boson, the so called “god particle” that gives mass to all matter and allows the universe as we know it to exist, has up to now been an unproven hypothesis based on the “Standard Model” of quantum physics. Recent experiments at the CERN large hadron super collider, which is located in France and Switzerland, have come up with convincing evidence of the Higgs Boson's existence.

This milestone in quantum physics frees up researchers to address the most puzzling remaining problem of the quantum phenomenon know as Zionist Israel, an unparalleled example of the weird world of quantum effects that strangely show themselves, full-blown, in our natural “Newtonian” existence. Normally the actions of the denizens of the whirling, unstable sub-atomic world don't directly effect what we see happen in our stolid, solid every-day life. But the big exception is what some refer to as the “Jewish and democratic” state of Israel. (a self-contradictory phenomonon in itself—similar to soluble fish, or boiling ice).

Being at two places at the same time, moving backward and forward in time, pairs of subatomic particles influencing each other at impossibly huge distances, entities being particles or waves depending on how you look at them... this strange behavior is common in the quantum world.

But those physicists who specialize in the science of LRJOOP (Looney Rhetoric to Justify Oppression of Other People) believe that only a previously unknown basic particle at the quantum level (the Higgs Zi-on) can explain how such wild, unstable, contradictory actions which normally only can happen in the sub-microscopic quantum domain, are manifested in the world we live in.

Dr. Zyzymon Syzygy, leader of the Higgs Zi-on team at CERN, commented, “We see this inexplicable breakthrough of the quantum world into our world concentrated in an impregnable quantum haze surrounding Israel, and everyone who takes action or speaks in favor of its unstable, quantum-like properties.” Syzygy goes on the cite some of the erratic behaviors that his team is preparing to investigate, “How can Palestinian citizens of Israel be equal and not equal at the same time? How can a military occupation simultaneously exist and not exist? How can a state created in 1948 move back in time to 1000 BC and still exist in 2012? Why do so many Semites have pale skin and blue eyes? How can you aggressively take other people's land, routinely arrest and kill them, be the strongest, only nuclear-armed power in the region and still be a fearful victim? How can you say that Hummus is an Israeli food?...only quantum instability interfering (perhaps “infiltrating”) into our macro-level world explain such things.”