Friday, September 3, 2010

Glossary and Tips for understanding the Israel/Palestine fleece...I mean peace process

Israeli Dictionary of negotiating terms:

Peace: undisturbed stealing of Palestinian land.

Partner for Peace: any sucker who will put up with a condition of "peace."

Security: whatever allows Israel to expand it's borders; having an unending supply of weapons from the U.S. while keeping the Palestinians disarmed.

"Responsible" partner for peace: someone who will not hit back when attacked by Israel.

War: any objection to Israel stealing Palestinian land

Terrorism: actually doing something to protect one's land against Israeli theft (peaceful protests such as in Bil'in and Silwan are crafty ways to carry out terrorism).

90% of the West Bank: re: "Israel will offer the Palestine Authority 90% of the West Bank for a state." 90% of the West Bank means 90% of 50%, that is, 40%. Israeli settlements and military encampments have taken about 50% of the West Bank which they won't give back. So, to Netanyahu's government when they say "West Bank" they mean the 40% they will let the Palestinians have for a state (or, better said, sort of a quasi-state).

Contiguous land: Contiguous land is whatever land that the Israeli government says is contiguous, whether it is contiguous or not. So any proposed future acceptable Palestinian state, besides being surrounded on all sides by Israeli troops (even on the border with Jordan), will also be cut up into pieces that are also surrounded by settlements and military bases.

Secure, defendable borders: It depends. Israel's borders move around. Sometimes they include south Lebanon, sometimes part of Syria, most times all of the West Bank... Gaza is next for border readjustment.

How to practice to be an Israeli negotiator:

Take someone out to a pizza place and order a large pizza. Get a big knife, taking care that your friend doesn't have one, and start talking about how to divide the pizza. Begin eating the pizza while you are talking. If your friend objects, get another person to hold his arms while you eat the pizza. Be sure and lecture him about proper negotiating manners. When you are done eating all the pizza leave your negotiating partner the bill.
R. Congress

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